I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
