i need an iv and a liver transplant
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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