2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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