i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
