You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
