Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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