he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
