You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My feet surprised me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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