I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
