I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
