some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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