Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
