I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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