Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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