left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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