And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
