Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
