I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
