I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
