At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
