I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
