Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
