1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need a beard to bite.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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