Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
