I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I fill condoms, not promises.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize