Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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