I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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