Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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