everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
