I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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