I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
