Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
