i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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