I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
