Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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