when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
