if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
