Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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