My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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