you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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