Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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