u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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