Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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