I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
