All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
