At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
