I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
