Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
