Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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