All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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