Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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