If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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