My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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