My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
