Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
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I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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