____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
