I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
