I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
third nipple confirmed
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
