Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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