I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
the liver wants what the liver wants
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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