You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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