Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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